“What a world for the lonely guy

Sometimes I feel I’m gonna lose my mind

Can anybody tell me just where to find

Any love, any love?”

– Luther Vandross (Any Love, 1988)
Everybody I know has what I term a “Pity Party Song”. You know what I’m talking about, the one song that a person listens to over and over when they’re down out depressed and feeling sorry for themselves. From 1988 up until yesterday my Pity Party Song was Luther Vandross’s Any Love. Yesterday, I actually took a few minutes to listen to the lyrics and I learned a lot about myself in the process.
It certainly explains a lot of my dating disasters over the past 19 years. Let’s see… since then, I’ve attracted to myself some interesting suitors. In fact, my friends affectionately refer to me as a clown magnet.

There was the bass player for a local band who wanted to date me so he could see my 5-string Stienberger! No G-strings for him (unless they were stainless steel double balled) because he was only interested in the guitar.

Then, there was the interesting guy I met downtown. I had to cut a date short when he mentioned that he was attracted to me because I resembled a local prostitute and I would be cheaper than her $200/hour price tag (years later, I would learn that one of my look alike sisters is a well known Denver escort – thanks Roxanne)!

In those nineteen years, I’ve also attracted one big-time stalker (the scary breaking into your car and/or your apartment and making you move far away and change your name type of guy).
The truth is I got exactly what I asked for… if I ask for ANY LOVE, I guess that is exactly what I’m gonna get. Ha..Ha..Ha… I finally understand.

“And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believe, and ye shall receive.”- The Bible

Many religions use affirmations, dance, and rhythm to induce some type of trance. This is a well known component of most Shamanic religions and it is most readily apparent among some groups such as the Whirling Dervishes and the Pentecostals. I remember visiting a catholic church and standing up every few minutes to repeat some affirmation (stand up, speak, sit down, repeat). Growing up, though, most of the churches I attended would use a boring lecture to induce an altered state of susceptibility and then pass around the collection plate.

Anyhow, rhythmic movement is an easy way to induce an altered state. I think that is why teens need their music so much: they can use it to put themselves into an altered state in order to work through their various conflicts. Too bad most of the messages that they hear through their C-Rap music is poisonous to their psyches.

Those messages, in an altered state, create affirmations that people become susceptible to absorbing. If you tell yourself that “Love Stinks” (J. Geil’s Band), you’ll attract plenty of opportunities to prove it true. If you constantly sing to yourself that you are a “Lost Cause” (Beck), then you’ll scrape the bottom of the barrel to find your next date.
I firmly believe that you deserve someone worthy of your wonderful soul and I hope you do too.Who knows exactly how this process works? It could be that one internalizes the concept that love stinks and unconsciously forgets to weed-out the incompatible romantic prospects. Or maybe one figures that he or she is a lost cause and, thus, forgets to engage in ritual dating behavior (such as good grooming and good manners) which may result in the loss of the very person that could have been part of something special.
Or maybe, there is something metaphysical about all this and that our Creator has a sense of humor…say, if a woman will take any love God can find the perfect someone to drive her bonkers (maybe in hopes she’ll be compelled to pray more often)! Me, I must have used the idea that I wanted just Any Love to create several really interesting opportunities for learning about the misadventures of romance.
My challenge to you is to…
Think about your Pity Party Song. What is it?
What is it telling you to accept into your life?



If you have a theme song that you hum when you’re in a good mood, what does it feed into your subconscious? Me… I’m looking for a new Pity Party Song. Maybe Steve Winwood’s Higher Love, Fleetwood Mac’s Rhiannon (after all, she is the goddess of forgiveness), or something about living like a hermit in a cave for awhile (just kidding).

Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll unplug the stereo.
Wishing you the best of success,
Sheilah